As I Search For Solace
by animetor21
Summary: [CHAPTER 4 UPDATE, Tifa and Leon share a special moment, but some one comes and interrupts!]She was his light...Maybe neither of them were alone after all. Leon.Tifa.Cloud.
1. Failure

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything…

**A/N**: (If you _read_ this, you will _understand_ why I'm writing this...)

This story revolves around the psyche of Leon. I wanted to delve deeper into Leon's complex character, relationships, and thoughts.

I wanted to elaborate on the meaning of light and completion. I hope to express how the heart wishes for forgiveness in order to feel complete. I write of why the heart feels and the mind dreams as reinforcement of completion.

**SUMMARY**:

Leon, feeling alone in his pain, struggles with his failure in the past. Even though the heartless/darkness has been defeated and all has been restored, he still lives with shame. In a way, he is somewhat similar to Cloud in _Advent Children_.

There is conflict in his mind, where it wishes to forget, and his heart, where it wishes to reconcile. His light of certainty and self-worth was replaced with the dark fear of accepting himself, along with all his regrets and failures.

It is a test of the strength of the mind and heart. But could he do it and finally be at peace?

* * *

"Failure"

Chapter 1

There may have once been a time when his dreams weren't haunted by regrets, torn by cowardice, and buried away within the depths of shame. Once he felt, as if in another life, he could live comfortably without the constant questions of "what if's" or "could have's". The elusive feeling of once being surrounded by warm-heartedness and completion seemed like a distant memory blurred by uncertainty.

From another tormented dream, Leon awoke gasping for air; his pupils dilated in the dark and skin dampened in perspiration. He recalled visions of not being able to save the ones he cared about. His heart ached with emptiness when he saw their faces full of fear and heard their cries full of despair.

In his dream he tried to fight the emerging darkness with his gunblade at hand, but to no avail, it wasn't enough and he couldn't protect them. It swallowed those poor souls. Overwhelmed with anger, guilt, desperation...he felt painful tears shedding for the ones he tried to save.

In the end, he lost hope somewhere along the way, and he felt the ominous darkness engulf him slowly as if to taunt him in his defeat...

He was lost, with no purpose now, and he let it swallow him; however, he would always wake up from that dreadful dream before _it_ completely took hold of him.

Every night it was a repetition of the same dream. Every night he felt an unexplainable pain.

Those faces...

Those voices...

That darkness...

It was another restless night. Tossing the covers aside, he sat at the edge of his bed pondering why he was having these terrible dreams. Rest and peace of mind was supposed to be easy now that the Heartless were defeated, along with the Organization. His home was fully restored and the Realm of Light was saved...all thanks to a certain junior hero with spiky-hair and his faithful friends.

He could never doubt the truth.

But as much as he wanted to believe that it all was real he couldn't help but think of those raw feelings he felt. It worried him to the point he thought he was beginning to form lines on his forehead and sprout gray hair. He blinked, mentally slapped himself, and brushed off that last thought immediately.

His digital clock read 5:46 a.m. in large red numbers, but he continued to sit on his bed contemplatively until he was too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

* * *

"Leon!" a young voice shouted from below an open window, "Hey, sleepyhead, wake up already!" The voice belonged to none other than the spunky shinobi, Yuffie Kasuragi.

She placed her hands against the sides of her mouth in an attempt to increase, what Leon would state, her "annoying screeching."

"Oi, get up! It's past three! Merlin wants all of us to meet at his place... Hey, are you listening?" She wondered for a moment why everyone volunteered her to fetch the "grumpy _old_ lion" anyways. Perhaps they were afraid of his occasional loud roar.

"Bleh..." she stuck out her tongue at that last thought, "Yea right..." Then a hideous thought of Leon looming over her freaked her out...

If he were to ever hear her calling him "old," especially when he has that scary "Are-You-Sure-You-Want-To-Say-That-When-Have-A-Gunblade-In-My-Hand?" look on his face... "Eep!"

Pushing that aside...

She waited several moments for some living response; when none came, a small nerve began to pulsate on the side of her forehead. "Ugh," she huffed, throwing her hands up in frustration, "Hurry up, ok?" She wasn't sure if she was talking to anyone but...whatever.

'How long does he have to sleep anyways,' she thought as she started toward Merlin's.

* * *

While all the members of the restoration committee waited patiently for their leader, Leon finally awoke from his sleep. He held his head in his hands as if to settle his momentary dizziness. Along with a dull headache and dry throat, he slothfully peeled himself off the bed. He looked for a towel, tripping over a pair of tossed boots in the process. Annoyed with how terrible this day was starting out, he finally found his way to the shower hoping the water will calm his nerves.

Newly-showered, though not fully refreshed, he quickly prepared himself.

'Merlin's house, wasn't it?" he wondered.

Before leaving his flat located on the floor above the Item shop, he remembered to water the burgeoning plant near his bedroom window. Despite the awkwardness of watering it, he figured he might as well. It was the only thing that actually made his room look "homey-_ish_."

In actuality, for his recent birthday, Aerith gave him that herbaceous plant. If he recalled correctly, he was positive that she said it was rosemary.

At first when she happily handed him a pot of dirt on his birthday, he couldn't help but look at her with utter bemusement. He knew that she was a talented horticulturist and had a knack for using those plants for medicinal purposes; but, surely she didn't expect that he would too...right?

He quickly emptied the cup of faucet water into the plant. He glanced over to his clock, which read 3:30 p.m...

Finally after taking vigorous strides, he arrived at Merlin's house and saw that everyone was already present. Merlin didn't realize Leon's entrance at first – since he was immersed in creating some sort of concoction – until he heard Yuffie's previously settled exuberance pipe up again.

"We've been waiting forever for you!" she declared as he walked through the door; an accusing finger pointed directly at him. With much patience, he ignored her "warm" welcoming. Aerith, sitting comfortably while reading a book at the corner table, smiled and set her book aside. Cid, unsurprisingly, was typing away on his huge computer and didn't really seem to notice that he was there.

"Ah! Leon, wonderful for you to finally join us," Merlin said as he quickly threw the last bit of dried cloves into his cauldron. Leon felt awfully suspicious of his enthusiasm. Everyone, now present, faced the blue-robed wizard; the meeting finally started.

"Now, you may all be wondering why exactly I have called you here today," Merlin stated with a smile. Most of them nodded in agreement; Leon just raised a brow. "Ah, well, we all know that it has been some time since Hollow Bastion has been restored to its original state, Radiant Garden. It has come to my attention that since that time, we, as residents of Radiant Garden, have..."

Trying to listen intently proved difficult since Leon hadn't had any coffee yet – no crème, no sugar…just plain bitter black coffee.

He knew from the moment Merlin had that little twinkle in his eye, it wasn't going to be pretty. Several times it meant some sort of cleaning job of his house, helping in the preparation of strange concoctions, or if was really bad it would be…

The light reflecting against his glasses covered his eyes. "…It would certainly be a wonderful opportunity to celebrate our beautifully restored Radiant Garden," he said quite animatedly with his hands.

It was then Leon was positive that he could have been a psychic. Any thing with the word, "celebrate" was definitely bad…

"Oh gosh! Does that mean we're going to have a 'Par-Taay'?" Yuffie exclaimed. Her excitement was evident as she grinned ear to ear, clasped her hands dreamily, and started bobbing up and down with her feet.

"Actually…" Yuffie, with eyes like dots, looked flabbergasted as she froze in place waiting for Merlin to continue.

With a beaming look on his face, he stated, "Yes that is exactly what I was considering we do!" She, once again overjoyed, resumed with her animated feats. Aerith giggled at the younger girl's silliness, while Cid, who scowled, turned his attention to the vacant computer apparently uninterested in the conversation.

Leon knew for sure that with Yuffie around there was never restraint. To make it worse, Merlin was the one who encouraged such behavior by unreasonably suggesting such an event. Events usually meant…stressful preparation….annoying small talk…other social confrontations, which included…

"Does that mean there will be dancing, too?" asked the flower girl with eagerness in her voice. Even though Aerith did not express her anxiousness like the ninja, it was obvious that she, too, was delighted with the idea.

"Yeah! And tons of food, and music, and lots of people?" Yuffie interjected. These two seemed to have everything already planned in their minds. Leon supposed that Merlin would expect Yuffie and Aerith to organize this simple idea of a small social gathering; however, if it were really them in charge, it may likely become an extravagant and enormous festivity, much to his dismay.

Annoyed with how things were going, he leaned against the wall with arms crossed. Not wishing to contribute anything that would aggravate two frantic girls that could leave him headless, he remained quietly invisible as they chatted of their "plans".

"Well, I'm glad that you two are happy with the idea," the wizard chuckled. Happy was definitely an understatement. "I expect that all of you in the restoration committee will prepare a wonderful celebration for everyone in the restoration of our home." Cid, looking utterly speechless, whizzed his chair around so fast it seemed he would fall off.

"Wha? Wait a darn minute! Now see 'er, that ain't fair! I didn't even say nothin' 'bout preparin'!" Cid shouted crossly.

Merlin blinked at him and said with a 'matter-of-factly' tone, "Because you did not say anything, you have no say in it now. Besides, it was the committee's responsibility to restore the town, and it is now the committee's responsibility to restore the happiness and pride in its residents." Cid's mouth dropped. Touché. Merlin just smiled with satisfaction.

Leon frowned after hearing the short-lived disagreement between the wizard and the mechanic. He was not in the mood for such festivities, and definitely was not considering complying in organizing one either. .

"Oh, to be honest, Yuffie, I don't think Leon would allow setting up something that big in the town square…" the flower girl said timidly, but her friend urged her to inquire him, just in case he may say 'yes'.

"What do you think, Leon?" Aerith directed to him, thinking that he was paying attention, "Do you think that we should have a stage in the town square?"

"No, no," Yuffie butted in while waving her hands rapidly as to erase the idea away. "I said I wanted an arena-like thingy! You, know, with lots of lights and seats and stuff." A knowing look formed on her face as Aerith just stared at her. "I know, it's a good idea, huh?"

"That ain't a good idea," Cid spat; obviously annoyed in hearing them talk. "Can't ya see that ain't possible?" Neither wanting to give up a fight, Yuffie and Cid continued their childish bickering. All the while, Aerith noticed how Leon remained abnormally quiet. Of course, he wasn't thrilled with throwing a party, but she sensed it was something else that bothered him.

"Leon, are you feeling all right?" she asked with concern as she walked over to him. She leaned in closer to look him in the eyes; he just looked away. A curious look formed on her gentle features. "You're acting rather strange…Is something the matter?"

She wouldn't understand even if he wanted to speak of it. The dreams or the pains that tore his heart, they wouldn't understand it because they had no reason to. Aerith, Yuffie, and Cid, his closest companions had their home and their dreams restored to them, their hope to live.

He, on the other hand, still felt ashamed that failure swept over him like a tidal wave, drowning him in its dark ocean of despair. It was too late; there was nothing he could do about it...

He knew they didn't feel that same pain of failure he did; it was at that moment, he had never felt so alone.

'It's unfair. I shouldn't be here right now…not like this…when they're so happy…' he thought glumly. Before Aerith could question him any further, he responded with a monotone voice, "Nothing's the matter. I just need to be alone for a while..." Uncomfortable as it was, he gave Aerith a stressed smile to reassure her before heading for the door.

She allowed him to go with an understanding smile. Noticing his leave, Yuffie called out to Leon even though she was amidst in a quarrel with Cid. "Hey, hey, where are you going? I wanna know if we're doing the arena thing," she shouted. Her hand was held out as if to grasp him while her other hand covered Cid's face for him to be quiet. The flower girl appeared hurt and the others were uneasy with confusion.

There was a deafening silence as they waited for their leader to speak…

So what did they expect him to say? He didn't know what exactly was going on. He was supposed to be acting like a leader, some one who they could look up to and expect decisions; however, he didn't have any plan, and even if he did, he wouldn't know how to give it. That thought made him feel more of a failure.

"I need...time to think," he uttered facing the door, too ashamed to look at them.

Before anyone else could say anything, he left. From the other side of the door Yuffie's defensive voice could be heard, "What? Hey, don't look at me, I didn't say anything!"

* * *

Ok, that was the first chapter. Phew. I probably lost some of you back there... It gets better, don't worry.

Tifa will be in the next chapter. Remember: A good story needs to develop first. I intend to have a love triangle of some sort...so...just be patient, ok?


	2. You're Not Alone

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Ok, I tried to illustrate a "supposable" in-depth understanding of Tifa's and Leon's relationship while still keeping the consistency of their character. Don't worry, they don't go all OOC and fall in love or anything...

_Yet_...

Ha, just kidding! Scratch that last bit off...

**DIRECTIONS:**

Please read with an _open mind._ Besides, where in the world would we be without them?

* * *

_There was a deafening silence as they waited for their leader to speak…_

_So what did they expect him to say? He didn't know what exactly was going on. He was supposed to be acting like a leader, some one who they could look up to and expect decisions; however, he didn't have any plan, and even if he did, he wouldn't know how to give it. That thought made him feel more of a failure. _

_"I need...time to think," he uttered facing the door, too ashamed to look at them._

_Before anyone else could say anything, he left. From the other side of the door Yuffie's defensive voice could be heard, "What? Hey, don't look at me, I didn't say anything!"_

"You're Not Alone"

Chapter 2

Large grey clouds ominously hovered in the sky, blocking some of the sunlight. A breeze swept through the trees as if to shake their foundation, but only deadened leaves were carried off. There weren't many people passing through the narrow streets because they knew it would most likely rain. But that didn't stop someone from wandering aimlessly.

He wasn't sure how long he walked or where exactly he was going. He could have been going around in circles for hours, and he wouldn't have even noticed it. Only the clicking of his boots against the cobbled-stone pavement was sensitive to the senses.

Memories were fresh in his mind from when he was at Merlin's cottage, but in reality, when he looked at his wrist watch it had been several hours ago.

Why exactly did he just blank out? Why did he suddenly need to leave? Leon sighed from mental exhaustion.

_'What do you think, Leon?' _Aerith's voice echoed in his mind.

_'_I don't know...I barely know what to do with my own problems...'

Everything seemed easier when he had revenge as a goal after the darkness engulfed his home. He thought that he could live easily once their home was restored, so he blinded fought hoping that would alleviate the pain.

Now that every thing was restored, he questioned the justice of those who were lost to the darkness. Where was their restoration? Deep down it wasn't right to accept happiness when others couldn't, especially when their lost chances of happiness was his fault…his lack in strength…his lack in courage…his lack in responsibility…

He felt so alone in his emptiness…alone in his search for pardon….

He scowled. It was beginning to be a habit. At times like these, he just wanted to punch something, cut something, anything. All this thinking seemed to be atrophying his muscles.

For a moment, he thought of Cloud and wondered where he was now. The mysterious warrior was a close ally whom he felt similar in strength and personality. Cloud never really talked because he was always brooding, but Leon found it understandable. There was something in his silence that showed some kind of intense anticipation. Though Leon couldn't tell what he was always quietly anxious about, he felt it when ever he was around him.

In a way, he wished he were there. Releasing some of his frustrations on such a formidable opponent would make him feel better, especially if he won in their battle.

Leon, coming back to reality, found himself at the steps leading to the bailey, a place of quiet reflection. His wrinkled brow eased slightly, and he descended the stairs.

Finally, after reaching the bottom, an unrecognizable figure appeared standing near the large stone window. Cautiously, he advanced towards the stranger while positioning his hand above the handle of his weapon, just in case. Perhaps this was the perfect opportunity to finally take out his gunblade.

The long raven hair, the black leather outfit, and determined stance were distinctively familiar; there beside the window was the martial artist, Tifa Lockheart.

A little disappointed that it wasn't some one whom he could practice his gunblade on, he eased. She was aware of his presence from behind her; however, she showed now signs of acknowledgement.

It was in her quiet and still demeanor that suggested she was there to be alone. With both of them in their current moods, it was obvious that neither of them would be interested in engaging in conversation. He concluded they weren't that close enough anyway.

Despite intentions of being alone at the bailey as well, he supposed he could find another place to be...maybe the Dark Depths. Besides, it wasn't like the bailey had his name on it, and in all honesty, it didn't bother him that she was there. He was now just a passerby so, after several moments of pause, he continued to walk towards the postern.

However, just before he descended another set of stairs, a voice pierced the wall of silence.

"Have you seen _him_?" she asked in a desperate tone. Leon turned his head to see she still did not move from her position facing the window. In actuality, he was surprised that she finally spoke to him; on the other hand, he knew it would have been that question because it always reflected in her eyes – a constant searching for someone...

Even though the correct answer would have been 'no', he had a feeling she heard it too often. "Why do you ask?" he countered.

Her perpetual determination of searching was truly astounding; but he was aware it brought her some grief. There was grief in not being able to reach _him_... He knew, he could tell, it was in the sound of her voice.

At that moment, sympathy replaced confusion. It suddenly seemed as if his worries were along side her own, and he didn't feel so alone in his pain. Even though their goals were different, they shared the same pain of independent struggle.

"I thought you might be going to train with him," she quietly replied, sounding cheerless. Her head hung dejectedly and she wrapped her arms around herself. As if on impulse, his feet brought him slightly closer to her. He was surprised with himself, but considered it was because he couldn't hear her very well.

There was acknowledgement in silence. They both knew that _he_, whom they were referring to, was Cloud.

It was evident that Cloud didn't yet return from his battle with Sephiroth, his darkness; but she couldn't stop herself from saying it. Perhaps her words were her way of still believing that maybe, just maybe, he would come back. His heart sank.

Tifa finally turned to look up at him a little embarrassed. "I'm sorry," she said shaking her head with a stressed smile, "I didn't mean to bother you." With that, she turned to leave.

She headed towards the stairs leading to the postern, most likely heading for the Dark Depths. It was ironic that Leon had decided to go there as a second choice, too. Tifa was where he wanted to be and went where he wanted to go.

In those few words shared a sense of understanding was somehow attained and a feeling of ease was reached. When she decided to leave, he felt as if his heart wanted her to stay; he couldn't help but wonder _if_...

"Tifa," he called out. She stopped in her tracks and looked at him a bit surprised. He wasn't sure how to phrase what he wished to say, so he stammered, "I…know you've been feeling…umm... I mean, I saw you and…I…"

Oh, how much at that moment he hated himself for his idiocy and loss of vocabulary.Eyeing him with curiosity, she noticed how he looked awfully stiff.

"I just wanted to know," he said with tried composure, "if you've been feeling unsure of some things..." He didn't think that was what he wanted to ask or if she understood the gist of what he said, and he immediately felt like an idiot...

She smiled at his futile attempt of speaking, thinking it was funny, and she calmly walked over to him. When she seated herself on the wide stone panel of the large window, Leon relaxed.

Wondering what had made the man so oddly uncomfortable to the point he sought her continued company, she subtly teased, "So what made you so articulate?" There were no intentions of flustering him any further. Her innocent words of jest brought him confidence.

As he seated him self across from her on the window panel, he noticed her mien was different from before; Tifa appeared more anticipant and spirited as she waited for him to speak.

Leon, not wanting to bluntly confess his troubling past, cautiously said, "Well, I have been having these strange dreams lately and...It's been bugging me…" Tifa's expression of spirit softened and silence urged him to continue.Though he was still hesitant, he said, "...I've felt darkness in my dreams...and so many other things..."

Noticing how she suddenly shifted from her seat at the words, he paused; she nodded as a gesture of encouragement and remained attentive. "I gave it a lot of thought, wondering what it all meant; but, in the end, I 'm still confused..."

Leon looked away as if ashamed and muttered, "Whatis this darkness inside of me?"

The question ruminated in her mind. Slowly she reassured him, "Everyone has darkness...but there is also light, just waiting to be found..."

She saw the look of hopelessness on his face, and it seemed so similar to Cloud's. Something in her heart suddenly made her want to help him, but she wasn't sure how. "You just have to look inside of you…"

Leon, a little disappointed in such an obscure answer, realized that it wasn't that simple to just find his light, his way of overcoming his darkness. It was the same darkness, the same emptiness, which he felt in his dreams. Perhaps, his emptiness was the cause of his lost sense of light.

"I think, in your dreams, you see your deepest memories. Maybe, you are subconsciously struggling through something…and, maybe, that is why you feel emptiness in your heart," she insightfully replied.

He felt her touch upon a sensitive topic; but, instead of pulling away, his heart urged him to give in. It certainly was an odd feeling…like it wanted to open up…maybe he felt it just because she understood him, right?

"What if our hearts want us to feel whole again…by making us feel things in our dreams…by seeing our deepest memories…to constantly remind us of who we truly are," Tifa continued rather pensively.

He thought of her words before he spoke. It seemed to make sense.

"So, what we see in our dreams and feel in our hearts means we're trying to come to terms with ourselves..." He wasn't sure if he asked a question or reaffirmed her words with a statement. It was then when he suddenly realized that he may have imparted something very important...

Suddenly, the clouds above that promised torrential rains slowly cleared the sky, and sunlight finally revealed its vibrancy. As she looked down at her feet, she asked with a contemplative tone, "So, Leon, do you know why we are constantly reminded of who we truly are?"

No reply came and both were silent. Leon was still searching for that answer.

"I...think...it's different with each person…for me, my heart and dreams tell me…" He glanced over to whose voice hesitantly spoke and paused.

For a brief moment, as he carefully studied her face, he saw a subtle sadness around her. There was look of restraint as she pursed lips, like she was holding in some hidden pain. But through her eyes, he noticed, that they spoke no lies...

"I feel my heart telling me to find him. I don't know but…it's as if I hear his calling out to me, too," she finally confessed. She bit her lower lip while still looking at her feet.

"I may not understand why my heart feels the way it does, but I know... that when I'm with...I mean, when I know that I can help him..." She drifted off once again struggling to find the words. "I just...feel complete, like this is my purpose, the reason why I'm here; that's what makes me _happy_."

He didn't press her any further on the subject. He understood what she was trying to say. She had just revealed part of herself, her doubts, her hopes, and sense of being; that alone was enough. He felt somewhat honored that he was the one whom she entrusted her thoughts; he accepted her confidence with stillness.

In their conversation, a closer familiarity was established and a heavy burden was lifted. They remained in each other's presence, watching the sun set, until the florescent colors finally disappeared over the horizon.

"...Thank you..." There was no need to speak it. It was understood in their hearts.

* * *

Please review and tell me what you think of it. Could their relationship be believable?

Yummy? Needs more...ingredients? Totally disgusting? Or... "Stop trying to 'cook' a story, you wierdo!"?


	3. I’m Sitiophobic…If It’s Aerith’s Cooking

**A/N: **

I wanted to make this chapter kind of "funny", so excuse me before hand if my dry humor gets corny in some parts, ha!

**WARNING:**

Beware of Aerith's cooking… It might sprout legs and start dancing because it's so cute looking and sweet!

No, seriously.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

_Suddenly, the clouds above that promised torrential rains slowly cleared the sky, and sunlight finally revealed its vibrancy. As she looked down at her feet, she asked with a contemplative tone, "So, Leon, do you know why we are constantly reminded of who we truly are?"_

_No reply came and both were silent. Leon was still searching for that answer. _

_"I...think...it's different with each person…for me, my heart and dreams tell me…" He glanced over to whose voice hesitantly spoke and paused. _

_For a brief moment, as he carefully studied her face, he saw a subtle sadness around her. There was look of restraint as she pursed lips, like she was holding in some hidden pain. But through her eyes, he noticed, that they spoke no lies... _

_"I feel my heart telling me to find him. I don't know…it's as if I hear his calling out to me, too," she finally confessed. She bit her lower lip while still looking at her feet. _

"_I may not understand why my heart feels the way it does, but I know... that when I'm with...I mean, when I know that I can help him..." She drifted off once again struggling to find the words. "I just...feel complete, like this is my purpose, the reason why I'm here; that's what makes me happy."_

_He didn't press her any further on the subject. He understood what she was trying to say. She had just revealed part of herself, her doubts, her hopes, and sense of being; that alone was enough. He felt somewhat honored that he was the one whom she entrusted her thoughts; he accepted her confidence with stillness. _

_In their conversation, a closer familiarity was established and a heavy burden was lifted. They remained in each other's presence, watching the sun set, until the florescent colors finally disappeared over the horizon._

_"...Thank you..." There was no need to speak it. It was understood in their hearts. _

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

"I'm Sitiophobic…If It's Aerith's Cooking"

Chapter 3

"Gosh, Cid, what's the big deal?" Yuffie pestered while holding one of the metal bars in place. "You know that you're the only one that can build this stuff, so stop being so...old and grumpy!"

"Quit your damn whinin' and hold still, would ya?" the mechanic retorted rather annoyed, and bolted the last bar of metal for the foundation. For the past several hours, the ninja and the mechanic were building the "finally decided" stage-like platform, much to Yuffie's disappointment. Cid, internally, was excited in constructing and setting up for the celebration, but he wouldn't let anyone know that.

"So where's Aerith n' Leon?" Cid asked, wiping the sweat off his forehead. He walked over to a pile of tools and materials for the lighting and began working the wires. "I thought they'd come n' help."

"Well…Aerith's at home. She said she had plans to talk to Merlin about what foods we're gonna have cuz', you know, he's lactose intolerant; she wouldn't wanna make food that will make people sick." While sitting on the near-by stairs, she fished for food in a picnic basket that Aerith thoughtfully prepared.

"That wouldn't matter. She goes n' offers Leon soda with milk n' tea with sugar all the time," he replied with a raised brow. She thought for a moment as she took a bite of her heart-shaped sandwich.

"Ya know, I think somethin's up with that boy. I haven't seen him in days," Cid said absentmindedly. He climbed a ladder leaning on the ledge of the town square's walkway to hang his wire of lights. "He better quit actin' like somethin's up his butt and start helpin' us over 'ere since you ain't much help just sittin' there eatin' your sandwich." A vein began to throb on his temple.

"First of all, its lunch time so stop being such a "work-aholic". Secondly, I'm the only one who's here, so, either be happy or I'm leaving. Thirdly, Leon always stresses over things and acts like he's got something up his butt…relax, he'll be back soon. He just needs to realize that he's a _weirdo_ and _accept it_, then he'll be fine; until then…it's just you and me."

She took another bite, and was now certain it had a distinct taste; Cid just rolled his eyes and mumbled something inaudible.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

_There was a dark abyss that pierced the air; strange black creatures crawled out of that abyss. _

_Screams could be heard and people could be seen running; all senses heightened from a terrible feeling of urgency. They, the heartless, attacked those innocent people, ripping their hearts out and leaving their bodies on the cold pavement. _

_He froze from fear and utter devastation as he gazed at the horrible scene before him. His lips quivered and his eyes narrowed at the heartless swarming closer and closer. He had missed his stepping as he tried to escape, and he fell hard on the ground. Before he realized it, he was surrounded by the terrible creatures whose claws were only inches away from him. _

"_Squall!" a voice shouted. A body lunged at the young boy, covering him from the attack. The stranger's face winced in agonizing pain as the heartless clawed at his back to reach the child underneath. The boy stared up at the man with shock._

"_Go," the man choked, "Get out of here…" There was such sadness in his eyes. _

_Frightened, he crawled out from underneath and hesitantly ran off. As he turned around, he saw the heartless seize the man's body…tearing out his heart…_

_Hot tears streamed down Squall's face… There was nothing else he could do but run. Even though he escaped, he felt as if his heart was torn out, too._

Leon screamed in terror as he awoke from his dream. Every night it was the same, every night seemed hopeless. His dreams were nothing but a replaying of his terrible past… It would be so much easier if he could just forget it all.

He looked at the time…it was noon. Tiredly, he got up, grabbed a towel, and did his usual morning hygienic routine. But as he returned to fix his bed, he collapsed exhaustedly into the sheets.

As he stared up at the white ceiling he wondered…since when did he have a crack up there in the corner? One of those small portable cameras Cid invented could actually fit in between…ha! Like some one could actually put one there…

Suddenly, there was a gentle rasping at his door. Though he was somewhat curious of whom it could be, he remained in bed and hoped that whom ever it was would give up and leave him be. Unfortunately, to much of his annoyance, the stranger continued to knock on his door with more force.

Unwilling to be patient enough for the person to leave, he got up from his bed to answer the door. Through the hallway, the living room, and the kitchen, he finally reached the door. "Knock, knock." Who ever it was was certainly persistent. As he opened the door, he was greeted by Tifa. Surprise, surprise.

"Oh," she stated as she held out a plate of food, "I…umm…." She just stared at him speechless, and her cheeks began to redden. It was then he realized he stood….in front of her…with just a towel on. Had he forgotten to dress after coming out of the shower…? _Obviously…idiot…_

Embarrassed of his appearance, he impulsively slammed the door…in her face... _Oops. _Realizing his rudeness, he, once again, hastily opened it. She still stood there in utter shock with her mouth wide open; however, now, it was the cause of food being smothered all over her clothing. He was horrified…

"I'm so sorry," Leon embarrassedly stuttered. "I…didn't mean to…uhh…here, come inside." He showed her in; she followed with portions of food falling to the floor. "Uhh…don't worry about that. I'll clean that up."

He felt like a total idiot, an _awkward towel-walking idiot_, he thoughtfully corrected. He showed her the bathroom so she could clean up; she tried to smile at his…kindness…but ended up looking slightly disgruntled.

After she finally exited the bathroom, Tifa found him fully dressed on the couch in the living room. "Listen," he said seriously without stuttering like an _idiot_, "It was an accident."

She took an empty seat across from him and shrugged. "It's…alright, really," she replied and looked down at her stained shirt. Both were uncomfortably silent for a moment.

"Do you…" he asked sniffing the air, "smell fish?"

Tifa blinked and realized the smell was coming from her dirtied clothing. "I should leave," she said embarrassedly, and she rose from her seat.

"No, no. I didn't mean it that way. I mean…if you want, you can shower here…" Tifa blinked again.

He thought for a moment. What did he just say? Did he just ask her to stay and shower…here at his place? He was now certain that he had lost all sense and reason from the moment she knocked at the door. _Idiot…_

"Thanks for offering, but I think I'll just go home. Oh, and by the way, I'm sorry about the food. I was at Aerith's and she asked me to give it to you…" She headed for the door.

"Hey, Tifa." She turned around. Leon thought for a moment of what to say because he feared he would say something stupid again; it never seemed to fail when she was around. "Don't feel bad about it. If anything, I'll let you throw a couple of punches at me later."

She understood what he meant; it was his way of trying to make her smile, and it worked. "Yeah. I promise I won't go too hard on you," she bantered. With that, she left. Leon sighed and glanced at the trail of food still on the floor.

'If that was Aerith's cooking…I think I'll pass,' he thought. In a way, he felt guilty she went through the trouble of cooking; however, knowing Aerith, she would have put sugar in it or something else deadly to his taste buds…

Leon grimaced and began to clean up the mess.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

He walked along the streets of town. As he entered the town square he found Aerith creating garlands of flowers while Yuffie helped Cid with completing the stage. All of them didn't seem to notice he was close by.

He doubted approaching them, especially when he was shameful of his "absent" behavior for the past several days.

The more he saw them being cheerful about the festivity, the more he was reminded of not being able to save them, those lost in darkness. It wasn't fair that he should take part in the celebration, while others were not here to share the experience. Deep down he felt responsible for their loss; he was guilty and ashamed. There was guilt for his failure and shame when he couldn't share the happiness with his friends.

Since then, he tried avoiding their company whenever he thought it was possible. He just wished to forget it all…

Before Leon could continue towards the bailey, Yuffie spotted him in the distance. "Hey, hey!" she exclaimed gleefully while waving her arms, "Over here!" She had distractedly released her grip on the ladder, which was supposed to support Cid's balance.

"Dang it, woman! Hold the damn thing still or I'ma gonna – !" But Cid never finished and he oafishly fell, along with the rickety old ladder and a bucket full of paint. Thank goodness the ladder didn't fall on him, but unfortunately, the paint splattered everywhere, specifically on Cid, who landed on his back, and Yuffie, who just screamed in utter shock.

Aerith hearing the whole commotion quickly ran to their aid. After witnessing the whole scene, Leon found it was best if he left before he caused anymore damage…

"I told you, YUFFIE!" he painfully shouted as he tried to sit up, and a stream of cursing came from his mouth.

"I'm sorry, but I saw Leon over there!" she cried out, and pointed a wet-painted finger to where he previously stood. They all looked, but no one was there; Yuffie blinked and sweat-dropped in confusion. "Wait! I really did see him! He was right there!"

Cid glared at her, and he continued to curse incoherently. Aerith just sighed as she helped the man up. Didn't they believe her? Of course, she had her mischievous moments where she would lie to just get a laugh, but this was the truth! "No, really, Aerith!"

Seeing that no one believed her, she determinedly marched off, leaving a track of painted footprints. "Where are you going?" Aerith called, rather confused at her abrupt leave.

"I'm going to prove that he was here and just he's been avoiding us all along!" she angrily replied. "Something's smells fishy and I don't like it!"

"Oh, that's just the tuna sandwiches I made," the flower girl bubbly said. "I even added some honey and jam for more taste."

So that's what she tasted… Yuffie looked sick and momentarily held her hand to her mouth. _Ugh…_

"No, no, I mean, with Leon. I'm gonna get to the bottom of it! He owes me a new outfit for putting me through this grief, anyways!" Still dowsed in paint from head to foot, she stomped away and reminded herself not to eat her friend's honey-jam tuna sandwiches ever again…

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Intentionally, I was going to name this chapter "I'm Mageriocophobic…If It's Aerith's"; but it sounded kind of…weird to me.

Basically this chapter was totally pointless. Bleh...

Sitiophobia: Fear of food or eating food

Mageirocophobia: Fear of cooking


	4. Trust Me

A/N:

Leon and Tifa express their thoughts and try to gain a deeper understanding of each other. Just when they finally reach out to one another, someone finally appears.

What will happen to them now?

* * *

"Trust Me"

Chapter 4

He found her at the bailey, quietly standing and waiting against the same stone window. Tifa may have tried to mask her sadness with determined smiles and strong fists, but really, she was just another lonely soul, waiting for her meaning of happiness.

Leon was a bit upset with _him _because he knew _he_ was the cause of it. For a moment, he actually wondered if Cloud even noticed how much he affected her. It wasn't fair…she didn't deserve that grief of waiting for someone that might not return.

"Oh, hey," she happily greeted as she turned to see Leon behind her. It was amazing how she genuinely smiled, even though her heart was breaking inside. "I was waiting for you."

He seemed to drift off slightly as he intently gazed at her. Perhaps all this thinking was finally getting to him.

"You ok?" she concernedly asked as she tilted her head slightly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Let's go." She nodded, and they headed towards the Dark Depths to train. It was their way of keeping their minds off their worries while being in the understanding company of each other…

* * *

After several strenuous hours of training, she exhaustedly leaned against the wall of the plateau. Leon, fatigued as well, stabbed the ground with his gunblade and supported his weight on the handle. Neither of them spoke, they felt nothing but dampness of their clothing and the pounding of their hearts, and heard nothing but the heavy gasping of air. 

Her curious eyes wandered upon the quiet man across from her. "Leon," she said with softness, "you're very strong…"

A little surprised with her comment, rather compliment – if that's what she intended it to be – Leon uncomfortably reddened and remained silent, wondering how to reply to her…honest words.

"Why do you train all the time if you are? There really isn't any need to." It was a simple question, but strangely, it required a lot of thought for an answer.

The simple, 'I-don't-want-to-talk-about-it' answer would have plainly been, 'I don't want to talk about it'; however, life and the complexity of the human mind do not make things simple.

So, why did he train all the time, he wondered. There were so many things that could have been the reason. Its maybe because of this or perhaps that, but deep down, none of the things he considered was what he wished to say.

He realized he was just going around in circles, avoiding the truth – the real reason why he incessantly had the urge to train, and why he was the way he was with all his little idiosyncrasies – because, in the end, they all lead to the same answer…

"We all have our reasons," he responded. "Reasons why we do the things we do and act the way we are. Training helps me forget some of those things…" The slight hesitancy in his voice suggested a hidden truth, something he wasn't ready to confess just yet.

Tifa sighed and slightly slouched in her position. Rather wistfully she said, "You know, you're a lot like Cloud." Leon's brow twitched a bit.

"You give the impression that something is bothering you, but you don't realize that people around you want to help," she continued with slight strain. Pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, she finally took an exasperated breath; obviously it was something she'd been meaning to say in a long time.

"…So you push them away. You avoid them because you're scared, too…but really…you just…" Her voice ached and finishing her sentence was no longer possible. After a deep breath, she changed the subject, "So, now that everything is back to the way it used to be, why do you still want to forget? It should be easier now."

"Things happened. Even if things have changed; we all still have our scars, our regrets… There are things in the past that shouldn't have been…"

She had guessed right; there was something more than just dreams bothering him. His dreams were stemming off something deeper in his mind, something in his conscience.

"Leon, I may not know what happened in the past; but, I know that we can't fully live our lives if we're always dwelling in it. You have everything laid out for you – your life full of new opportunities, you have the town back, you have your friends' support, and everything else." Her last remark was slightly bitter; but he didn't notice it as he frowned with frustration.

"It's not that simple!" he said gradually raising his voice. His frustration was seeping out…Didn't she understand how painful it was? …maybe he didn't explain it to her…

She was taken aback by his abrupt tone, and she shifted slightly. His fists were clenched and his eyes were burning with anger as he stood before her.

"How can I? How can I accept it! Was it fair for them to disappear before my very eyes when I could have done something about it? Was it fair that I am still the one here, when others aren't? There is no justice and everything I tried to do just seems like a slap in the face because in the end…I'm still living with the guilt."

She remained quiet and painfully looked away. His words hurt her… It never seemed to fail whenever someone wanted to help, he'd impulsively push them away. Tifa was right, he was like Cloud, and it sickened him; she didn't need to be reminded of _him_ this way.

Ashamed of his outburst, he held his dejected head in his hands and sighed.

With a disheartened tone, he confessed "…None of it gives me the right to do anything now because I'm a failure… Nothing matters. Even if I continue to train it's pointless because it can't erase…my past."

There was a long pause as both were too discouraged to speak in the hopeless atmosphere. He was losing his way, his trust in him self; he was empty. Inside, he just needed someone to tell him that…'it's ok'; she understood it.

"Listen, Leon…even though you may think I have no right to say this; I want you to know that we all live with our pains and regrets. We can't forget them because…they make us who we are. To forget our past is to forget ourselves. And even though it's painful to live with, you just have to trust in yourself…"

Her voice was calm and soothing, so he listened. "All things happen for a reason we may not understand. We just have to accept it…" Tifa encouraged, though it was difficult. Not only did she try to lighten his mood, she had to deal with her own insecurities welting inside. When she looked at his distraught state, she saw herself…

"If it's any consolation, I'm glad you finally said what was bothering you," she said trying to smiling. He just gave her a skeptical look. "You're learning how to cope with it. That shows you haven't fully given up hope…that you're not a failure…"

"How do you know?" He would have scoffed, but her look of earnestness surprised him to the point that he didn't think he remembered how.

"I know because…you finally shared your feelings and your thoughts with me, and that means a lot. I think you're beginning to trust others and yourself…"

He thought for a moment…Perhaps he was beginning to understand what she meant. The sun, once again, began to set; however, neither of them could see it because the clouds concealed its beauty.

"It's going to rain," he pessimistically stated. Tifa rolled her eyes.

"No," she corrected with a knowing smile, "Don't be so glum. The sun will come out only if you hope for it." Leon looked over to her; she never ceased to amaze him. Her plain words were deeper than; he knew it was her way of hoping that Cloud would return. Noticing his odd stare, she asked, "What? Is something on my face?"

She self-consciously rubbed her cheeks and blew a strand of hair away from her eyes, and Leon just grinned at her awkwardness.

"Nothing. Just thinking…" All was silent as they waited, but then suddenly the clouds darkened and a clap of thunder shattered their tranquility. A bright flash of lightning pierced the sky, breaking the clouds, and it began to rain slightly. Her calm expression changed with the mood and she strained a smile.

"You know, I wish I were as strong as you…" she said sadly before she hugged her knees and buried her head in folded arms. Leon felt her lightly tremble; his heart urged him to comfort her, but he didn't know how. At that moment, it began to rain harder and everything seemed hopeless once again.

"Tifa?" he beseeched. There was no sound but the pattering of the rain, and with a heavy heart he walked over to her. She didn't move when he placed a warm hand on her shoulder or when he tried to gently whisper her name. She just held her knees tighter and continued to quiver.

"What's wrong?" he asked, slightly panicked not knowing what to do. Finally, she lifted her head and he realized she was silently crying. It was then he saw the grief in her heart. Her eyes spoke the truth; her tears were her tale of sadness.

Everything just suddenly felt so overwhelming with uncertainties and fears, and she could do nothing but release her long over-due emotions pent up inside, just like the rain.

"All those things I said about how we're scared…scared of things we're not sure of…I'm scared too…" she said between her sobs. "…It hurts to wait for him…I miss him so much…" Too ashamed to look him into his eyes, she looked away and tried to hold back the tears.

"I wanted to find him…to help him and make sure he'll be ok...but instead I waited here for him…and I don't know why. I thought I could be strong…. but I feel so alone…and sometimes I regret it.…" Burying her head in her hands, she continued to weep.

Inside, her fragile heart was breaking; not even her hopes could prevent the pieces from falling apart; to see Cloud once again was her only hope that pulled her through every day, but it wasn't enough.

As he watched her cry, his throat tightened, as if to hold back his own sorrow. She needed comfort in her desperation, and he was the only one who understood it.

"You chose to wait because…you trust and believe in him," he said as he gently brushed her wet hair from her face. "But you don't have to wait alone…"

Her cries softened and she finally she gazed at him with a look of revelation. The rain streamed down her porcelain face and her swollen lips were slightly parted. He didn't realize it before, she was beautiful…

"I know he'll come back. He has to because…because you're here," he confessed. He would have mentally slapped himself for confessing way too much in one day…perhaps he was beginning to learn after all. He suddenly realized it was the way he truly felt…

Even though the rain poured as if it was crying for her, his simple words gave her confidence to weakly smile. Suddenly, he knew he, too, could hope as well.

He quietly rose from his kneeling stance, and offered her his hand. There was a genuine willingness, sympathy, and compassion in his simple gesture; hesitantly, she reached out to accept it…

Perhaps they were not alone all along…

However, before she grasped it, a light appeared above them and resonated with brilliancy like a falling star from the heavens. Without warning, there was a high pitched sound and the star-lighted form landed several feet before them.

As its intensity faded, a man appeared kneeling on one knee while his hands firmly held his sword at his side; but, as he tried to stand, his balance and strength faltered and he stumbled to the ground. Both of them were astonished at the sight.

"Cloud?" she gasped with widened eyes. As if on impulse, she quickly pulled herself off the ground and ran to the fallen man. "Come on, he needs our help!" she directed to Leon.

Speak of the devil, Cloud really did come back.

Though Leon was glad that Tifa's long-awaited hope was restored, he felt something indescribable in his heart. He watched how Tifa, kneeling by his body, gently supported his back and raised his head, but _he_ didn't feel it. He saw how she cried tears of joy, but _he_ didn't see it. He noticed how she tenderly called out his name to wake him from his sleep, but _he_ didn't hear it.

Leon wondered if _Cloud_ truly saw the person she was inside and appreciated all the things she did for him. He couldn't help but wonder if Cloud felt strange emotions when he was around her, or if Cloud confided in her, or if Cloud just found solace in her presence…

'Does he even care about how she really feels?' Leon thought.

As Leon watched her, it was then he realized how much he actually loved _her_. To admit such a feeling was painful because her heart belonged to another; the entire time, he knew it, but he fell for her in the end. He couldn't guard his heart even if he wanted to because…his heart, in its desperation, found comfort in her…

The force of the rain diminished, the clouds separated, and the sun's rays finally warmed his face. They were able to see a glimpse of the sunset.

"You were right, Tifa. The sun will come out only if you hope for it…Cloud really did come back," Leon said sadly. He continued to watch the two from a distance until the sun finally disappeared over horizon and all was dark once again.

* * *

Aww. Sniff… 

Leon finally realizes he loves her, but then Cloud comes back. Dun, dun, dun!

So, was it ok for it to end like that?


End file.
